Simson found a mouse

First I just want to say that I have not played any more Fantasy Life today. I didn't feel like it. But maybe tomorrow.

I did not feel very good at all before, mentally I mean. Depressed and down, and I almost fell asleep when I was laying in the couch. Just this boring extreme tiredness where I could write or read something on the phone, but I have it so difficult to keep my eyes open. Just like this morning when I was playing Fantasy Life. I want to wake up but my brain wants to shut down. I can lie down and read, and suddenly without noticing I just drop my phone in the face. Or suddenly without noticing I fall asleep but for some reason I keep writing, for example here in the blog, and I wake up and shake my head and I have only written random letters. I don't like that kind of tiredness.

So I just decided to force myself to go out on a small walk. And that did alot. Actually, ALOT to my mental health and my tiredness. I guess it is called fatigue. 

I feel so much better now. I have decided that I will keep taking walks every day. Absolutely. And I need it also.

Just sitting here collecting water in my feet and trying to make myself happy with medicine won't work. I did not know that just a small walk could do that much to lift me up. Maybe it works in the morning as well. Maybe I should try talking a small walk outside when I wake up tomorrow before breakfast.

I used to take walks every day when I went to school. 60 minutes every day. It took almost exactly 30minutes to go to school from my apartment. And then 30minutes back home, and that was slightly upwards the entire way home. I was in good condition back then. I have lost all of that now.

I must have been in an extremely low state mentally, if just a 10minute walk could do that much difference.

Now I feel I got some more motivation!

But it is motivation to write in my blog at the moment :) I don't know if I will do any programming. We'll see. The thought on programming anything just now destroys it. Now I am waiting for my pizza too cool down so that I can eat it.

By the way. Did I mention that my cat Simson found a mouse inside the house. In the middle of the night, or early in the morning maybe. I had to take it from him and throw it out. I did not want him to eat it. He only gets worms and he always throws it up anyway.

Simson makes certain meowing sounds for different things. For example if he feels ill and is about to throw up he sound "Meoooooo", where the "ooo" sound is very deep and loud. And when I hear that know what is going on, so that I can get to him quickly off the carpet. Because he ofcourse always needs to throw up on the carpet, for some reason.

He also makes a certain meow when he has found some prey, and he wants to come to me and show it. So when I heard him, I just knew what it was. And I went up from bed and looked at him, and of course it was a mouse.

But I don't know why cats do that. I mean, I know it is normal that they hunt for food, rats, and mice and snakes and flies. But when he finds something larger, like a mouse, he must come to me and show it. Then play with it a little, and then kill it and maybe eat it. He doesn't always eat the entire mouse.

I don't really like that he eats them, because they put out poison here for rats and mice. And I don't really want him to get rat poison in him. I don't think that is good at all.

He has found mice inside the house before. Sometimes he just kills it and leaves it outside the door to my bedroom.

But, the first thing thought that went through my mind was... Where did he find a mouse inside the house, he did not come from outside. It is an old house ofcourse. And now it is getting colder outside and maybe the mice is getting closer to the warm houses. They have the ability to squish themselves through very narrow places also.

Good thing Simson found it so that I could get rid of it. :)

Update 22:40

And after the pizza, I'm tired again. Don't want to sleep yet.
That feeling is back again, the days pass so quickly. It feels like it is yesterdays night. What happened to this day? I don't know. What did I do? I don't remember.

I feel like eating and eating and eating. Candy, chips, icecream and chocolate and everything I have. I want to see a movie.  But I have no good movies. Netflix doesn't have much of interest. I got lots of Anime.. But I am not in an anime mode now, not when I feel this fatigue again. I won't be able to concentrate on an anime. If I am going to go to sleep, it needs to be fast. I need to eat my pills and go to sleep as fast as possible.

I can not sleep

I have had nightmares from hell this night.

It began with me taking a sleeping pill and some against anxiety that usually works..
I slept for about an hour and woke up from nightmares. I don't remember what I dreamt of, but it was just scary. So  took more oxascand to fall asleep, and I slept for about an hour again. And had nightmares.

I continued doing this. Last time I took quite alot of oxascand, maybe 60-80mg, and  I still only slept for an hour, waking up from nightmares.

Now I know, it doesn't help to take that much. Smaller doses are better, and oxascand works the best when I am angry and frustrated. Not so well when I want to sleep.

 I don't have my usual Temesta that I take for sleeping, I'm out of them, I think I've got some other sleeping pills, Zopiklon. I can take one if them that now.

I know that I can call homecare if this ever happens. they've told me so. And they will come and give me a shot with something stronger.
But I've never done that. Maybe I should try next time, I think it is too late now, I will sleep all day tomorrow if I take too many sleeping pills in the middle of the night.

I watched Beautiful Dreamer anime yesterday. And I really liked it!
I remember having a t-shirt with Lum on it when I was 13. The shirt was a little bit too big. And I was probably the  only one with a half naked woman on his tshirt in the entire class. I looked ultra nerdy, And I had never seen the anime.

I thought Beautiful Dreamer was difficult to understand at frst, but it wasn't at all. I think the opposite, it was quite predictable after a while. First all these strange things happens in the movie. And I didn't get it at all, then I just kept watching. And when they revieled what was really going on, I have had that idea before. And that it must be Lum, Lum is the only one that can fly, that must mean something. You can often fly in your dreams. Nothing was never really explained in the beginning. It was just so random.

I never completed watching Beautiful Dreamer because I was too tired. But I will do that today.

Any way, I was so tired I couldn't keep watching. I stopped it.
Good thing about the PS3 is that it  remember where I stopped the movie, and will continue where I left off next time.

I got a little bit of pain now, I've got OxyNorm,or Oxycodone as pills instead that I can take. But I don't have that much pain. I'd rather wait until it is so painful that I really need something for it. I think that works best then. And I also got the positive kick much more evident.

Btw, I think I must have a very high threshold for pain, When doctors or dentists does something to me and ask if it hurts. I usually feel nothing.My dentist is so cautios and asks "doesn't this toothpaste hurt now" or, any other type of mouthwash she gives me. No, no, no, no, nothing hurts. Yes the blisters hurts, but nothing at all, not the toothpaste of mouthwash or anything is making it worse. Not until I take strong spices in food I said.
I wonder why she keeps thinking that every teeny weeny little thing would hurt so much, what people have to understand about me is that I will say if I'm in pain.
I will not shut up about it.

Meh, anyway. I think I am mmtoo tired to keep writing. I have fallen asleep for times on this latop. writingonly a single letter, I fell asleeeep during the night a little. dreaming about that store with the australian women in Asakusa that sold Kimoson and other traditiona, Why did 'i mir rhir''ää enstists ask med if it hurts.  And them do dom nt" / From an extremly sleepy Daniel

08:19

Now, I am a little bit more awake. I have prepared breakfast

This is no typical Swedish breakfast (if there even is such a thing). This brekfast contains things that I happen to have. "Rubber"-cheese that is made for hamburgers with gooseberry marmalade. And another sandwich with messmör..
I didn't feel like coffee today, so I made tea.

But I will keep writing about my troublesome sleep tonight, now that I am awake and actually can write.

As I had written before, I took alot of medication against anxiety to try and sleep. Because it was the only thing I had at home right now.

It didn't work very well, not even in larger doses.

I had no more Temesta, which actually works better as a sleeping pill than my ordinary Zopiklon. My doctor said I should be careful with temesta tough, because if I take it daily it can affect my depression in a negative way. And some nights I have slept fine without any medication.

I only slept in periods of hours this night.

I decided to go up and blog a little to see if I can get tired again and sleep. That probably worked. Because I fell asleep sitting up, with my head tilted on the laptop. I never notied that I fell asleep, I kept writing in my dreams.
When I woke up I had only written random stuff.

And that happened quite often as I remember it, even early this morning.

And now I forgot what I was going to write. Maybe it was some kind of dream that I had. That I have forgotten about now..

I was also hoping for a normal Neato cleaning today without stops, But it stopped once with the message "House cleaning - paused"

*** I even fell asleep just now for a short while ***

Simson

Oh, and my poor cat Simson was outside all night. He didn't come when I called on him at 23-00. Then I went to bed.  Tried getting to sleep, it was impossible to get a good night sleep.

*** I just, did it again, just fell asleep sitting down with my laptop and my tea is cold now ***

I really need to get a good sleep. And I think I have forgotten to take my daily cortison.

I have fallen asleep so many times, my brekfast is getting cold and dry. I'll eat it anyway, I really...




...But seriously, I fell asleep agin,
Ahh.............  I cannot write blog and eat breakfastnow if I am going to fall asleep like this over and over.. I need to stop writing, because this takes hours to write.