Himouto! Umaru-chan

I started watching this series on Crunchyroll. It was fun!

I think it is difficult to find something that is really good on crunchyroll. There is so much crap.

Anyway, this series was OK.

They had Genshiken second series. I think it was better than people said it was.

Neato, found stuff and more medicine

I finally found my SD Cardreader. It had just fell down and was hidden under a cable. I spent so much time looking for it.

I think I wrote about my Neato vacuum cleaner in my last post...I don't remember, anyway, this time I didn't do anything when it stopped. I just left it where it was until it's battery was drained. Now I'm gonna charge it overnight and see if it performs

Now I am watching the anime of "Two Years' Vacation", I think the anime is called "Adrift in the Pacific", but I can't find it on imdb. I'm watching a Swedish translation "Två års ferier". I kind of like old 80's anime. It is a little nostalgic, I want more.
But yes, I fell asleep during this movie too. But it was a very easy movie to follow. It kind remined me a little of Lord of the Flies.                                                                                                            
But now I have problems keeping my eyes open soon sleep,

It is 1000 degrees here now

And I am eating ice cream.

I am not really feeling very well either, I mean I am not so happy. I am almost angry.

Everyone is talking about am Attack on Titan bla bla... but isn't that on Netflix?

I was so certain I saw it on Netflix. But now I cannot find it. And I don't know where I have seen it either.

It was not on crunchyroll, which by the way seem to have stopped working.

I only see a black screen.

The only thing my friend can say is "It's only on netflix in america" *duuuuh* and then no more conversation.

But I have not dreamt that I saw Attack on Titan on netflix..So they must have shown Titans temporarily. And I put it in my watch later list. And now it is gone. *sigh*

Well, thank you world that we have The Piratebay. What would we do without you. I would probably go insane in madness over how stupid things are. I pay for Netflix and Crunchyroll etc etc. But they will not give us the shows that EVERYONE is talking about right now.

I tried watching Orange is the new black. But I got bored of that. Got bored of Prison Break also.
But that Stephen King, Under the Dome or what is it called? I liked that. But where is the second season?
It's on eztv.it if I wanted to... but I am a nice boy and wait til you get it. (Or actually I don't care that much).

And also. The charger for my phone just died. So I must find my original charger soon. Batteries are draining quite fast. *sigh* I NEED a working charger.

I pay for netflix and crunchyroll. I actually give them money. But they still can't give me what piratebay can. At the moment I am only seeing a black screen on crunchyroll on my Wii U. And my premium has not run out.
And I cannot see the series that my friends is watching because you didn't make it available in my country.

So, what do you think I will do? Wait a year til you go through all your paperwork and legal battles and shit to get it available. At that point I've given you enough money to buy the whole series on blu-ray (if it is available). No. Ofcourse not.
I'll get it on Piratebay. What do you think.

I need more anxiety pills. Cause I am so angry now. I notice my charger cable is going hot. So it is definetly broken. But looking for that original charger will take all night. And I don't want that. I want to relax and watch something good and have a social nice talk about what I see... but no. So I am going to take more anxiety pills til I calm down.

Good night sleep

I took one pill for sleeping yesterday. It didn't work. I was just laying there and waiting. I wasn't tired anymore.

Sometimes it feels like I can go to sleep without medication. I get so tired after my medicine thay I take regularly. But once I am in bed. It is so difficult.

I am allowed to take oxascand or temesta when I can't sleep. Temesta has worked best. But even that is sometimes not enough. This time I decided to take 3 pills of Temesta.  And it really worked. I slept perfectly. Waking up in the morning feeling rested! Not this dragged out sleepiness that I've had for the rest of of the day, before.

And look, I can even write correctly (except for a few spelling mistakes). Not like in my older blog posts where I go into slumber while writing. Though it seems perfect for me, apparently I had slumbered in and kept writing nonsense while half-sleeping.

Now I am going to bring some food for my automatic tube feeder and try to watch this movie, Gisaku. Not a "real anime". Looks more European to me. But it can be good anyway.

I'll watch for a while then I'll need real breakfast. Not just this boring tube food.

Mini breakfast and anime

I watched the old Appleseed movie yesterday. I watched the english dub with swedish subtitles. It was crazy translated. For example in english they could say "Why are you in such a hurry?" and the swedish subtitle (translated) said "Why are you so well dressed up?"

Sometimes when there was dialog, it was not translated to subtitiles and sometimes the swedish subtitles was in english. heh :)

Anyway, this morning I'm watching a newer Appleseed movie. This looks better. I think it is computer animated, it looks  good. I like old 80's/90's anime too, it is kind of nostalgic.

But it is so difficult for me to concentrate now. I cant keep me awake. I keep having these microsleeps. Maybe I should take a walk later. It wasn't a good time to watch anime.

If I sit up and write, it seems like I don't fall asleep.

I also got a little motivation doing som simple FM transmitter maybe. Something thaf I have never done.

I think I missed the entire anime, I coulnd't concentrate and I fell asleep.

I don't know?

Watching anime and eating candy

It is so hot today. I have a good fan that my mother bought. That is good.

Now I am going to eat candy and watch this anime, Appleseed.

Breakfast and Anime

I don't feel very motivated today.

But I will keep watching this anime.

And eat this boring breakfast.

I don't feel like going back to the store again with my new neato. *sigh* so much trouble.

I need more money anyway, and I get money in two weeks. The problem is that whenever I think about the future. It only makes me worried. And no medecine that I have works against being worried. Both oxascand and temesta just makes me sleepy. Oxynorm only works sometimes.

I think the blisters in my mouth is a little bit better now. But I don't feel like eating.

Just feeling down today. Need to find that happiness.

Tacos and Anime

I woke up this morning with alot of motivation. But I think I spent that motivation writing a very long blog post :)

But I also played Rocksmith ofcourse.

Now I'll eat some tacos from yesterday and watch this anime Rin. Don't know what it is..yet.

Anime and swedish fika

I felt I needed something to wake me up.

Coffe and lots of sweet stuff.

Now it really feels good to watch this anime. Please, whatever it is, don't let anything interrupt me this time. :)

Now I just have this other problem. I am so tired that I am almost crosseyed. I just hope this sugar and coffe will wake me up and make me more alert.

....Edit: 

Ah yeah, I just keep falling asleep randomly. I just nod down a little and suddenly I am in half sleep mode. Until I notice. I  an for instance fall asleep while wtiting, and keep writing. Then I've only written jabberwocky.

Up early again

I am up early again. I felt like sleeping on the couch this night.

I slept very well this night. With help from medecine I suppose. But I slept the entire night uninterrupted. And woke up feeling rested. That feels really good.

Maybe I'll try watching that Anime later, Roujin Z. I never got to do that before when my mother and brother was here. I was being constantly interrupted by sonething

It seems to be a good anime.

I also got Young Frankenstein on blu-ray yesterday. Great movie :)

Unhealthy food and Disgaea anime

Eating only fried food. Frenchfries, calamares and mini springrolls.

I have never played any if the Disgaea games.

Edit:

This food made me really tired. I fell asleep for a while. Then got really big need for sugar.

Fell asleep

Yesterday when I was watching TV, eating candy and snacks. I just fell asleep sitting up. I was so tired. My cat Simson woke me up now, he wanted to go out. He is always up early, so I have to go up as well. But I like being up early and taking some food through my feeding tube while being half asleep.

Today I have a little bit of pain in my neck, but that is probably because of the position I was sleeping in yesterday.

I'll keep watching Paranoia Agent anime today. This time I really tried keeping my concentration on the anime and not on my phone. But I still think it is a little bit difficult to understand what is going on in this anime. Like with so many others. The few animes that I really like are much more easy to understand, like Genshiken and Golden Boy. I want to find more anime like that.
But still Paranoia Agent seems like a good anime. I think I will watch some of these animes again.

I'm also really happy that I have a new Neato vacuum cleaner that is working.

I did this really difficult lesson in Rocksmith yesterday. Switching between the three upper strings. I could never finish it. For some reason, Rocksmith just crashes and shuts down after playing some time. But I probably was playing for hours, I don't keep track of time.
My fingers are starting to get used to playing guitar now :)

Chips dip and candy and Galenskaparna & Aftershave

I feel very good right now. I need to take breaks from that Battlestar Galactica game. I'm not really used to play such complicated games. But I've heard it is good among players who do play games like that. I am currently playing 4 players alone just to figure out the rules. Hopefully it is much more fun with others :)

And I have always wanted to play a little bit more complicated games. But finding people that wants to play them with me is difficult. I am interested in the WoW board game.

But now I'll have candy, chips and dip and Galenskaparna & Aftershave on TV. One of my favorite swedish comedians. I feel no worries about my cancer. I just feel good. I love it when i feel like this.

I also had to fix the stupid dimmers that is installed in the this house. I had an old switch from a broken soldering station that I used.
The dimmers was some cheap crap. I never used my lights in the ceiling because of that. Lights were constanly flickering. I am quite certain that this is not a good installation. But I need to remove that flickering light. It is impossible to play baordgames under that flickering light.

I will probably buy real light switches tommorrow.... atleast I installed a fuse :) And I did get chocked once. But only in my fingertip.

I really  tried keep watching the anime I started yesterday this morning and not let anything interrupt me. But I still feel it is difficult to follow the plot completly.

The best animes I've seen are Golden Boy, Genshiken and Metropolis. Alot of animes are so "random", difficult to follow. I am not superhuge anime fan. I was into anime a lot when I was a teenager and Sailor Moon was on TV. I was HOOKED. I wanted more anime, but it was so difficult to find in Sweden. And if I could find one (VhS back in those days) they were so expensive. Up to 200 SEK for a VHS with one or two episodes. It was crazy.

Now the DVD"s that I bought was from 5 SEK to 10 SEK.

Night anime

With chips and dip.

Another load of cheap anime dvd's

Sadly alot of series are missing volume 1. Volume 1 is almost always sold out for some reason. I miss volume 1 and 3 of last exile. But they are cheap. Only 10 SEK per dvd.

Morning anime and breakfast

Today I'm watching darkside blues. I notice that I have alot of anime dvd's with only 1 or 2 episodes. It doesn't matter.

And I don't feel like eating today. So I take this bag through my feeding tube. I can feel the tumour growing from day to day. Have not noticed that the radiation therapy has done anything. Except I bled a little bit two days ago. And the tumour is much harder than it used to be.

Breakfast and Anime

This morning, Macross Plus.

Anime and Breakfast

Today I'll try watchine this Anime. And eat breakfast.

Cancer and Anime routine

Hi. I have been writing a little bit about my cancer (osteosarcoma) in a previous post. This was the first time I started talking about it more openly. I explained in that post that I also had cancer in 2010, but I never really spoke about it with anyone.

I want to have a daily, or almost daily update about the progress here. But also I still want to write about technical stuff and other hacks I love doing on my spare time as I have done before. And now, I got so much spare time that I even feel sometimes that I am loosing my motivation. I get a lot of medication to help me for anxiety and depression. It does work a little. If I don’t eat too much of it so that I get double vision :) I still need to work on my motivation, it doesn't come automatically.

I woke up this morning breathing very strangely. It did not scare or worry me at that moment. I was so confused and just tried to figure out what happened. I was afraid the tumour had grown over night and blocked my throat. But I could breath. I just had to spit out something from my mouth. I spit it out in my hand and it was like a large blood filled blob. It made me scared that I had bled a lot during the night and looked everywhere in my sheets and pillows, but I saw nothing. So that was good. Then I used something called "cyklokapron" to help stop the bleeding. It has worked every time. I think the same medication have different names in other countries.

I am also a little worried that I have become addicted to OxyNorm (morphine type painkiller). But I don't want my doctor to know about it. Im afraid he will not let me take it on my own, or will prescribe smaller packages of it. I must have taken 100mg yesterday spread out over one day. And I do take it whenever feeling the slightest pain, I dont take it just to get high, it doesn't work that very well as a drug I think. When addicted I feel I need to take more and more of it to have any good effect. I have decided to take smaller and smaller doses and eventually nothing after a while. Unless I am in so much pain that I cannot handle it without strong painkillers.

I have had this routine to watch one anime per day every morning. I bought like 40 or 50 movies on dvd and a few blu-ray. I am not a big Anime nerd. I wanted to watch anime in my teenage years. But bying anime here in Sweden was among the most expensive and hard to find among all movies. Today however, all the movies I bought cost like 5 or 10 SEK, I guess 1 to 2 USD. I had a small break from my daily anime for a while because I lost motivation. I felt I had some more motivation today. Some of the better anime I've seen has been of the lowest quality, dubbed to Swedish, looks like a transfer from VHS with those screwed sounds that overused VHS tapes could have :) probably just nostalgia, but I love nostalgia. Some of the movies i lost interest in the middle and could not keep watching, the story often gets too complicated.

Some of the movies I watched that I liked was Leda, Cowboy Bebop, Tokyo Godfathers, Ken: The Great Bear fist, and Metropolis was probably my favorite over all of them. But I have seen Metropolis before long time ago. Other movies seemed very good, but I had a hard time getting into them like First Squad, Memories,  Tekkonkinkreet, Legend of the Millennium Dragon and Steam boy. All of these movies was in a box, except Leda and Ken. All of those movies had very high quality, so 9 movies at a very good price. :)

I was thinking about watching Blood: The Last Vampire this morning. But I fell asleep and now I don't feel like it.

That is one problem I have, is motivation and getting this joyful feeling of wanting to do something. Although I know motivation doesn't come automatically. I need to work on it. I don't want to spend my time forcing myself to do things of course. But just do things that I enjoy doing. And some days I don't feel like doing anything at all, I miss that joyful feeling.

Having this routine to watch an anime every morning felt good for a while. Because I had something positive to look forward to. Otherwise, my future looks pretty dark at this moment. I am afraid of what can happen, the tumour is growing, and sometimes bleeding. The apricot seeds doesn't really seem to help at all. But I will keep eating them anyway. The thing is, OxyNorm helps me get this joyful feeling, even if it for a short while. It works. But I really really try to take it only if I am in pain. When I explain this to doctors they don’t understand. They only know about the common side effects, when I say I get happy and talkative after a dose of OxyNorm they seem to get confused like "that is not possible", because it is not among one of the side effects? I don't know. However I am going to take much smaller dose next time I feel pain, because a smaller dose works. And never take it to get "high".

And I think I will skip my morning anime today. A cup of coffee usually boosts my motivation a little. I never continued playing Battlestar Galactica yesterday. So I might do that instead :)

And I need some more Rocksmith practice every day also. I need to concentrate on what I can do now, and not worry about the future.