I hate night

This is something that is new to me. I hate night time  everyone goes to sleep. I feel lonely. Especially if I am not tired.

I used to like sleeping. Now I hate it. Maybe it is the nightmares I get sometimes.

I don't like when everyone dissapears and says "goodnight".

Maybe it is because I know I will wake up in the morning with an even larger tumour. More problems. More pain.

Less motivation. Less happiness.

The painkillers used to work a little to boost motivation and lust to do things. It doesn't really work anymore. Or as well as it used to.

The medecine I take at night usually make me so tired I can easily go to sleep. Yet I don't like this time of the day at all.

Maybe it reminds me of death. Darkness. And emptyness.

I found something odd. I have a bowl of water with  large plastic syringe in it. Next to it a small triple darlingtington circuit with a 9v battery and a diode. I noticed that the diode lights up when I suck up water with the syringe. I wonder why

And right now, I am so tired I can fall asleep easily. I hope I wake up with motivation and happiness.