*Sigh* you won't believe it. New Neato problems....

Neato can't find the charger... Yes again. On the third one. It might just have been a one time thing, because it kept getting stuck on things.

It does work better than my second one. It works just as good as my first one did in the beginning.

Today it kept getting stuck underneath my tv room table. And then suddenly it couldn't find back to its charger "again". *sigh*

It is one of those things thay ruins my day for me. I need to forget about stupid things like that.

I think it might get confused because it often gets stuck on my doorsteps. All three of them did. And I move them a bit to get them going again, and maybe it's room orientation gets "out of sync" somehow. And when it want's to go back to the charger, the memory of the track back to the charger is all shifted and rotated around. That is my guess. So it might not be a big problem. And it doesn't happen all the time, it happens very rarely.

It got stuck under the bed in the guest room. My mother wanted to get it out of there the most difficult way. By moving the entire bed and... I don't know. I just said stop. I can reach it. And I moved it out of the room and then I pressed resume docking. And how stubborn is the little stupid thing. It wanted to get in there AGAIN under her bed going into the wall until it runs out of power. I have hade three neatos doing exactly this now. And it is ALWAYS under the bed in the guest room.

It is kind of opposite of the direction it should go. So I lifted it up and put it by the charger, or very close to it, like 1,5 meter or so. Then it found the charger and went back to it to charge.

Yesterday it was cleaning sooo good. Only took about two hours to complete the entire apartment. Most efficient cleaning any of my three robots has done so far. My old ones could clean from 7 to 12 till it was done with the apartmment... it just makes me worried now that this one is going to break down also. I just hope it doesn't.

I noticed in the store, that they have removed all the Neato XV Signature Pro, they only have BotVac 85 now. When I get a new one I will buy the BotVac Connected. Seems to be just like the D85, but with an smartphone app for it.

I am afraid that the little bounce it has to make everytime it passes a doorstep is damaging the camera or laser "eye" that scans the room somehow.

And, there were some new things to pick up at the postoffice today, three packages. A new replacement Neato ofcourse that I already talked about. Settlers of Catan that is said to be one of the best trading/strategy games. I have never played it before. A new "New Nintendo 3DS", this time in XL format, and in a limited white Happy Home Designer design. I think it was cute :)

I also got a 32Gb SD Micro for the 3DS. So I won't worry about running out of memory on it. I have not installed that yet, Also some new charger stuff for the 3DS, memory and charger stuff all came in the same package.

I got alot of things in the mail to pick up at the postoffice on the same day.

Plums

I got these plums from my neighbour. They are so good and sweet. I cannot stop eating them. Yum yum yum

My mother is going to make plum jam or something.

But there are endless amount of plums to eat.

Wii Fit U

I am really happy with my Wii Fit U. And that it was only 489 SEK. VERY cheap. I was afraid that there might be something wrong with it for that price. Normally it is 990 SEK on most other places.

I tried it yesterday. I have been playing Wii Fit before many times. And I borrowed Wii Fit Plus for a while.

I wanted to show my mother. But someone of us, or both of us was a little bit eager.

The first thing I tried was jogging. And you were supposed to hold the gamepad infront of you to look for friends. That felt completly pointless. And when jogging it didn't seem to register my steps very well.

And things need to be calibrated properly first. And for some reason the calibation went to hell first time so I was just spinning in circles. That I was spinning in circles was something my mother did not even seem to notice at all. She just kept asking why I needed to hold the gamepad all the time. 

*sigh* well there is s reason. And I kept telling her, there is something wrong when I first started it. "You see if I hold it straight I keep spinning around", and she just ignored it completly.

I personally like the "gamey" parts of Wii Fit

So I showed her the Yoga and things like that. She seemed more interested in this. Also happened one time that the balance board got out of calibration. So in one excersice I had to lean a little bit too much to the right to get the center of gravity correct.

My mother kept asking what was wrong with ME, and she stood up and showed me "just do this, it is simple". And I frustratingly tried to explain to her that there was a little red dot on the screen that you are supposed to keep stable inside a yellow area. But when I was standing correctly on the board, the red dot was going to it's maximum in another direction. This means that the program did not register the center properly from the beginning.

But she did just not understand it, or refused to understand it. And trying to calm her down and explain it very slowly. She will just completly ignore it and keep trying to explain to me "look, she is doing this pose in the game, do that"... And I'm like, yes.. but, but, but, but.. gaaah... I understand that already. My mind was too busy thinking about making the game to work properly so that it can register my results properly. While she would ignore that, and just do the excercise.

I hate excercise, the only thing that can make it fun for me are these kinds of things like the Wii Fit, that gives you all these numbers and graphs and stuff. Then it is fun.

So... She kept asking me "Do you often fall to that side, that is not good. Why are you like that?".. this is one of those times I can loose my temper really easily. She is destroying that nice moment I wanted to have with mum, showing her how fun and practical the wii fit is. I just wanted to erase, start over, "can you understand that there has happened something with the machine, it is faulty, it doesn't work properly. We need to start over". At this point she might go haywire and think that I need to give it back to the store or something, and maybe that is why it was so cheap..

My anger and frustration just grows and grows. Take a deep breath and relax. Some people are not technical, they can simply not understand technical things. But they are probably very good at understanding other things very well, that I probably am bad at.

Instead of having some physiotherapist coming over and showing almost exactly the same things the Wii Fit U does.

Ofcourse I can have a physiotherapist anyway, and I can show him/her the Wii  Fit if they dont really now about it already. Their excercises was a little bit different. I do them also sometimes.

But the different is. After 30 min of Wii Fit U, it affected my entire mental state. I felt so much more happy, less tired, more motivated, less easy to get angry. I just felt good. I will try and keep using it 30min per day. And maybe a short walk with the stepcounter. It so much more fun now with the Wii U step counter.

The nurses came to visit. They did not at all understand the point of the Wii Fit. They're so fun (sarcastic). They always want to recommend things like."you should go out more often and do some simple excersises".  Yes, I do that. And I pointed to the balance board. And they didn't get it at all. I said I use this and then I take small walks. I think this Wii Fit makes it a little bit more fun instead of this gray boring 'same thing every day'-routine. It is depressing.

Same thing wih the food. The nurses. And mother also is like.."But if you feel like you need a little food you can always take a little through the feeding tube"... yes practical. But when I don'"t need the feeding tube. How damn boring is it. To just sit there and wait with this thing droppin in. I can play games while I do it. But I would rather eat something and taste it. I know I only have this limited time left to be able to taste anything at all.

And this -> "But you can just take something through the feeding tube" :D, isn't that fun?

No, 

Ok whatever. I am howerer very very happy with my Wii Fit U.

Step counter

Simson and balance board

Fatso

Box

Help, what a terrible nightmare.

Tonight my computer worked on producing this terrifying Deep Dream image of me. When I was in the hospital after the operation.

I did not sleep very well this night, I woke up often. I took sleeping pills but I only slept for a few hours. When I woke up I felt quite good anyway.
I am still worried a little bit, like that panic attack is still hanging on a little bit from yesterday.

Today some friends wants to come and visit, but I don't know if I really feel like it.

When I woke up this morning I played Mario Maker, making a new level. I have removed some of the old levels from an older post, so you might now find them.

Here is the new one from today

9782-0000-008B-A5F5

The new Neato is working well so far. It got stuck on my coord to the headphones. I hope it didn't damage the Neato now. I accidentely turned off housecleaning when removing the coord from the Neato also, it was going back for charging. So I just put it back on the charger and started a new cleaning process.

Wii Fit U

I ordered a Wii Fit U. It was only 489 SEK. With all the things with it. I think that was pretty cheap.

I also got my new Neato yesterday. This one seems to work very well. It gets stuck on my doorsteps/thresholds,  but it has been the same with all of them. Eventually they seem to learn how to get over them without getting stuck.

I am really hungry now.

I have gained so much weight

I can hardly walk up the stairs.

I need to practise. I did the excersises that they showed me at the hospital once. I need to do that everyday. But I hate exercise. I will forget to do it. I know it.

78.9kg today. Phew.

Maybe I should get Wii Fit U.

Today turned into a pretty good day

My mother came to visit. She helped me to buy special socks for my feet. For the water that is in my feet. It helps to press up the water. Or something like that. Or block the water not to get down in my feet maybe.

I made some good food. It was successful food this time. Potatoes with fish and my favourite egg sauce. Just plain white sauce with pieces of boiled eggs in it. I used some of the water from the boiled fish. And that was good.

I put up the whiteboard and cluttered some circuit on it. A non-inverting amplifier... I don't know if I got the calculations right. On such a simple and basic thing. I should be able to calculate any strange opamp connection.

I felt that my brain had forgotten alot or that old math. Wasn't a circuit with feedback on the negative input supposed to be inverting? I have forgotten. But that is not a big deal. You'll just look it up in a formula collection or use google,  like all other engineers do all the time..

I don't like learning things in a way so that you know it inside out. I want to understand things on a deeper level. So that when you connect an opamp in this way, I can figure it out what it does. I can look at the circuit and see  "oh, current will go this way and that way resulting in this equation and then the basic function of the opamp would make this result".... Instead of "I recognize this circuit, I know what it does but I don't know why". I hope you know what I mean.

Some people in school studied just the things you needed to beat the tests. They asked the teachers "what do we need to know, what pages in the book do we need to read" Things like that.. I hated that. I wanted to read the entire book. I wanted to get a completely random problem in my test, and then being able to solve it by understanding how to use my knowledge that I have studied. That is much more fun I think.

And I  can  get it wrong. It is not a big deal. But this circuit is so basic. It is so simple. But when you never use the knowledge, it slowly dissipates. That is boring. I would like to do a little bit of the math everyday to keep it alive.
My teacher in math once said. Put the the calculator away. And don't use it to calculate things like 8 * 17 or 53 / 4. Do it on the paper or in your head. An answer that is a fraction is OK. You don't have to answer in lots of decimals like 3.473636.

But just using your head to do the simple math, it activates and makes your brain work  in the parts in your brain that does math, and it will help you when you do integrals and laplace transforms and linear algebra etc etc. I did that. And I think it it works.

And I got a game in the mail in mint condition. Gyruss.. But now I want to do other things. So here are random pictures from the day.

Food, potatoes. Fish and egg sauce.

The new white board.. Where I notice the mistake I did. Vin is supposed to be connected to the positive input on the opamp ofcourse. Then it would be a non-inverting amp.

Gyruss for NES  in a protective plastic case

It was in better condition than I expected it to be :) Completely new.

The protective plastic case.

Gyruss before the original plastic was removed.

Seems like my orchids are getting flowers. They have not had flowers in a long time.

Fish in slowly boiling water. I don't fill up the water over the fish. Just some in the bottom, with different spices in it. Bay leaf and pepper.

Egg sauce, yummy.

Not good today or yesterday evening

I lost my temper on my Neato Vacuum cleaner.

If I had the money, I would spend thousands of it on AdWords to talk about how bad their products really are... At the same time, I was so pleased with my first one that worked fine for 2-3 months before I got any serious problems.

The Neato, like usual just stopped on one of my doorsteps and complained that it was blocked, "untangle" or what ever it says. My father was there, and how a person can be so incompetent on electronics is beyond my understanding. I  just said, "Press the long black button", and nothing happened. Of course the display was off, so you had to press the large round button first to start it and THEN press the long black "OK" button. He did not understand that. This was when I started to loose my temper. He said "It doesn't work, I press the button". So I had to go up and do it myself.
Yeah, I should have said "If the display is off just press the large grey button and then press the "OK" button" *sigh* I thought he could figure this out for himself, but no. I had so say "It is unfuckingbelievable how some people can be so technically incompetent".

Any way, that did not work. So I pressed OK again, still stuck, and it kept doing that even if I hammered on the OK button, not with an actual hammer, but just like you do when playing bullet hell games without autofire.

I lost my temper here, all the problems with these Neato cleaners came rushing though my head. I just picked the damn thing up and threw it on the floor with all my weak force I have left. Some plastic bits came off. I have not found them yet.

(Another scary thing that just happened right now, was that I got one of those micro-sleeps. And When I woke up. All that I had written was gone... Thank "God" for ctrl+z.)

Fell and hit my head

Yesterday morning I was looking around for my tea spoons. Because I know that I have many more teaspoons somewhere.

I was trying to stand on a chair. And I fell backwards. And it felt like I hit my head on the table behind me. But I am not sure I did that.

My dad was being stupid again..of course he was worried about me. But the he was trying to help me get back on my feet after like 3 seconds, taking my hand and pulling me up with force very fast. I shouted at him to stop. And I sat up on the floor and sat there for a while. Stubborn as he is he still wants to pull me up really fast. He doesn't think for a second that I might feel dizzy after falling and hitting my head.

I was too weak to get up on the chair and I was  too weak to get up from the floor like that. He doesn't understand my condition and how I feel. Not a single clue. He thinks I am like normal.

And if I really did hit my head on the table, wouldn't it be good to lie down still for a while and breath and relax until you feel ready to get back up. That is like, almost common sense.

I was not happy at all yesterday.

I finally lost my temper on my Neato. It kept stopping on the doorsteps/thresholds. And kept stopping for no reason,  "paused".

I just took it up and threw it on the floor with all my force. It kept getting the "vision blocked" error after that. My dad did not notice or say anything at all.

He didn't even hear the noise? He just passed by me like nothing had happened.

How come, he didn't notice that?

When I asked him he just says that he doesn't know what to do... Don't know what to do? At least say something. You can say for example "What happened?"

I remember when I saw a kid, and if I made the tiniest tiniest noise somwhere. Like I could drop a piece of lego on the floor. My dad would shot at me "WHAT the **** are you doing? Why are you making all that noise". Back then, it was completely opposite. We were supposed to be silent like mice.

 

I turned the Neato in for repair again. I spilled coffee all over it also when I fell. When I go to pick it up I might replace it with a D85 if possible. Maybe I should have said that first. But I'll ask anyway... Or I am not completely sure either.

There is a D85 with some remote control that seems the more interesting. It has not been released yet it seems like. You can look at neato robotics website and fill in your e-mail to get more info when it is released.

I slept on the couch all night.

And I really really really need to stop with my oxynorm. I've got a half bottle after only 3 days. It doesn't help me get more happy anyway.

I feel very sad now, I am worried about my ear.

It has swollen more and more around my ear. Making it almost completly impossible to hear anything on my left side.

I want to be able to listen to music that I love. Play guitar. And things like that. How can I ever do that. I will always play so it sounds like shit. Because I can't hear notes. I was not good at that before either. But it is like playing with plugs in my ear.

I can't enjoy music in the same way. I remember when I could hear all those wonderful sharp sounds in Pink Floyd music for instance. Or Dire Straits. Or other Hi-Fi music. I can't do that anymore.

But there is a another thing that I really enjoyed. I listened through that 3CD Tom Waits album.. Orphans, while reading the lyrics at the same time. Tom Waits can do some really beautiful songs, and in-between some that are more difficult to listen to. And I think it is difficult to hear what he sings. Anyway I listened and read the lyrics. And found that it is a really really good album.

When I read the lyrics I could also hear it sounds more like music than noise. Of course, because it really is music. But he has a thing in his lyrics + voice in those noisy songs that makes them very deep and beautiful in a different way.

He writes some really good lyrics.

I took a large dose of oxascand now.

And I took a dose of oxynorm. Because that usually has a positive effect.

I cried a little now. I feel I need to be with my parents.

My friends are not to any good help now. They're more more of a burden. They often ignore my messages in the chat group. I whine and complain alot. But that is something new. It is usually I that have to listen to their complaints and whining about all sorts of different things.

I will try and enjoy my fika. My coffee is getting cold.

Eating all the candy.

Dad is visiting me

Sure it is fun with some company. And the evening times might not feel that ultra depressing. Well. He wants to watch TV alot,  ALOT. And TV usually bores me ALOT.

And I want to play my games. Lucky that you can do both with the Wii U. 

But he is not uplifting to have around. I show him things that I have done. I asked if he saw my sushi that I was proud of, I posted it here and on facebook. 

And he said "No".. So I showed him the tools, the bamboo mat. While he is not showing any interest at all. He just wanted to walk away and I had to shout after him "And these are the miso-soup mix".. "OK". He said without any interest at all.

And then I said you need this oil or vinager for the rice "Oh, is it to add salt so that it tastes anything?". And I *scoffed*.. it is always like that with him. 

Everything, absolutely everything needs salt to taste ANYTHING. It is like it is binary, no salt == no taste, extra salted == taste. I tried explaining.
Yes it does add a little bit to the flavour if you add a little bit of salt, it tastes what it is supposed to taste. If you add too much salt it just tastes salt. He always buys butter "extra salted" while I always buy butter organic "Krav" which is normally salted. And my father asks "Why do you always buy Krav/organic, it doesn't taste any different"... AHA, busted!  So you admit extra salted butter doesn't taste better than normally salted butter.

And you see, WHY in the WORLD would I buy organic food for the taste. If I buy organic I expect it to taste exactly the same as non organic. If it actually does taste better. That is a huge plus.

"But why buy more expensive food if it doesn't taste better"

I could ask,  him "Why buy extra salted butter if it doesn't taste better plus gives you higher risk of heart diseses"... 

Of course, I got cancer now so the best thing in my case would be to shut up.

People in general are very fast pulling out that simple card "but, lol, you've got cancer so all your burden in buying organic etc etc is quite useless isn't it".

Pick a small group like my friendship group. They could say "We eat McDonalds. Kebab, chips a and coca cola probably everyday". Did I talk about my friend who still had the fabrication plastic stuff left in his oven a year after it was installed. He never used it. I bet he never used his plates for anything more advanced than boil water maybe.

But he eats McDonalds, pizza, Burger King, Max.... or frozen microwave meals.

I am the guy who likes to make my own food, I always buy the organic option of a product. I would do anything to eat, anything that would pop into my mind that sounds good, googling and following a recipe and not be afraid of failing. Because I've failed a "couple" of times. Because sometimes you have to fail first, before you can redo and make it better. I've done things I have been very pleased with. Made my own bread, smörgåsgårta, vegetarian lasagne, "plommon-späckad skinkstek" my favorite, also known as "söndagsstek" or something like that. I don't really follow a recipe when doing that. I just make things up as I go. My friend is the guy who thinks making tacos is the most advanced kind of food you can make yourself.

I read one online from a person who wrote "don't give any money to those cancer organisations. If people stopped putting all that crap in their bodies they would not have cancer. Chips and dip ans cola and McDonalds, you name it".

Meaning, it is your own fault you have cancer. And these organisations is taking advantage of you, just taking your money and drive around in nice cars.

I felt hurt hearing this. "It is your own fault that you have cancer".

I know a lot of people who eat fast food and crap food very often. And when I say that I know that they do this. I really do know they do.

Cancer can be the cause of so many things. In my case in 2010, I got NPC cancer. When googling around on that you can find that people sensitive to a virus called EBV (Epstein-Barr Virus) can develop this form of cancer. So what did that have anything to do with eating... Whatever diet you wish you use, pick anyone, LCHF, or whatever.

When it comes to the diet, eating too much salty fish and meat helps the virus to develop cancercells... well that is a very very short explanation of an hypotesis. But I don't eat alot of meat, not alot of salt either. But I do love fish. So everyone that likes to eat fish now, beware.

When it comes to the cancer I got now. They are pretty certain that it was caused by the radiation therapy that they gave me in 2010..

There isn't really any rights and wrongs with food.... of course a healtyh diet is ALWAYS good. But this cancer crazyness, well it is just crazyness. These people I know. They will keep eating their cola and chips and fast food and never learn to cook anything themselves. They'll live a cancer free life anyway.

While I will continue to cook my own food, as long as I can, eat lots of vegetarian food, etc etc because I love it. Not because I force myself to eat something I don't like to get a better health. But because I like that food. And I don't think cancer has anything to do with anything else than just really bad luck.

I was going to write this blog post on how much my father bores me. Him and his mid day naps. I can hear him snoring now, after eating he always takes a nap.. And he always needs to say it in such a boring way. I feel tired too sometimes. But there is nothing more depressing I think, than sleeping away a few hours in the middle of the day. Unless I am really really sick or something.

But if I am tired in the middle of the day. I'd rather take a cup of coffee and sugar to kick-start the brain again and keep going, that feels the best.

This mid day nap is like depression fuel for me. And just hearing my father snoring in there is depression fuel. And he soon wakes up and want to watch the news. *sigh* same news he watched just before.

My coffee is ready. And this blog post has actually taken all day to write. And now I feel like sitting here complaining and whining instead of doing something else is making me depressed.

This day passed so quickly

Not until now 16:50 I drink the last little drops of my morning coffee.

I made coffee this morning, while playing fantasy life and writing an real-time review on it here. Since I am so tired it it almost impossible to write anything with my micro-sleeps that I get.

Sometimes I just nod with my head, and I am sleeping, but I still think that I am writing. So when I wake up I've been holding down a key or something. Or I drop the phone... yeah the usual, I have said it before. I keep saying it until I find the best way to express it : P

I was stopped in the middle of playing Fantasy Life because I got visit from the nurses and the doctor from the palliative care team that I have. Don't know how long they stayed. They arrived here at 13:30. 

Anyway, I ate my last sandwich before they came in. But I had my risifrutti and coffee to drink. Set the game on pause.

Now when they have left I can eat the last of my breakfast. Only writing this blogpost is stopping me.

I think writing in the blog has stolen most of the hours. Anyway. Now I feel that I am done with writing for now. I will eat this. Take a walk to the store. 

Make and eat some proper food when I come home. And then keep playing or writing about my own game that I started writing about yesterday.

Wow. This day was fast.