Tumour growth

It worries me everytime I feel that the tumour has grown. It grows closer and closer to my left ear, and is pushing from the inside. I don't know exactly.  The tumour has been getting much harder, more solid. Changing it's shape inside my mouth. I can still eat and breath.

And it worries me alot when they have to put in tracheotomy for breathing. They probably have to do that some time.
I have had that before after the operation, when they removed half my cheekbone. But during that time I was asleep (general anaesthesia?) when they did it.

I don't know if they can do that now. There has been problems before during other operations when they need to put me to sleep. Since I could not open my mouth enough for them to put the tube into my lungs for breathing. I had to be awake during the entire procedure of general anaesthesia. They put local anaesthesia in many places on my face, one directly in the throat underneath the adams apple I think, but also in my eye, in the corner (nasolacrimal canal). That was very very uneasy. Then they pressed a quite large tube into my nose, they needed to do it quickly so it was almost a kind of violent. Then I couldn't breath for a few seconds when they got into the lungs I guess. And then I just breathed automatically with help of a machine. Then I got the shot to make me sleep, and I was just gone in a second. But that entire process wasn't so fun.

When I got to another hospital, and did an operation there I asked them if they needed to do this thing again. But no appearently not. They couldn't understand why that was necessary, they do the procedure like normal, put me to sleep first and then I don't have to experience all the stuff with the tubes and whatever they do. So, I don't know, now I have this large tumour in my mouth. What if they need to put me to sleep again for some reason. I wonder, and I worry what they will do.

I've seen on TV when they take some sharp object and just thrusts it into the throat. Doesn't seem like something I want to experience.

Early food intake

I'm up early in the morning to "eat" a bag of food through my feeding tube. I can eat food normally, but it is very difficult. And it will keep getting more and more difficult as the tumour grows.

This is my special construction for the food bag and the pump :)

I really like going up this early. And maybe watch an Anime. The next anime to watch is Blood: The Last Vampire. Sometimes I fall asleep. But I think I slept quite good this night so maybe I can watch one. But now that my father is staying here maybe I shouldn't wake him up. I don't know, I dont't know if I feel like watching it right now. Maybe later.

Also, in the morning is usually the time that I need painkillers the most. This morning I didn't have so much pain. But I took a small dose anyway. And I am sticking with my 5mg OxyNorm doses. I think I already start to feel a difference. I don't feel that I need it so often, even when I don't have any pain.

Neato XV Signature Pro battery calibration procedure

I am now doing the procedure explained on this page

https://www.neatorobotics.com/support/articles/recalibrating-your-neato-xv-batteries/

I pressed "New battery" and started a house cleaning according to the procedure, it cleaned normally except it still got the error message "My vision was blocked. Please press OKAY" like usual. When it needed to go back and charge, this happened.

And it never found the way back to the charging station, it kept going everywhere else except to the charger. Even if I put it right next to the charger it couldn't find it.

I am however not sure if this is part of the program, maybe it is supposed to do this to drain the battery.

Finally it shut off because the battery was drained. Then I pressed start to start a new house cleaning and it displayed “My Battery is low. I need to charge my battery before I can clean”, and I put it back on the charger. So it is according to the procedure so far. I just didn't expect it to go this crazy?

However, if it doesn't fix the "vision blocked" error, I don't know if I should buy a new battery or return it to the store. If it's going to act this crazy again, I'll probably return it.

Update:

Now it started cleaning automatically once the battery was charged. And nope, it still got a vision error. But now it is cleaning again. So I'll have to wait and see if it can find its way back this time. It is cleaning normally, it doesn't seem to be confused or anything so I don't know.

Update #2:

Now, this time it at least found its way back to the charging station.

Update #3:

It went back to the charger and I canceled house cleaning. It was late and I wanted to go to sleep. Also my father is here, he'll probably complain about it so... If I was alone I would let it finish anyway. I hope that this didn't ruin the battery cal. But I'll find out today, when it has charged over night if it runs better, without vision errors. Hmm, it could still be just a battery fault anyway. I wonder if old rechargable batteries might have problems outputting enough current. So I'm still not certain if I should just get a new battery or not. But I'll just return it if it keeps being stupid. I was so satisfied with this vacuum cleaner, it was a really good robotcleaner. This just happened so randomly. I never did anything to it that could have damaged it.

Playing some more Rocksmith

It is really really fun :)

I don't know how many hours I've played today. My father came to stay over the weekend and tried it. He had the same problem I had the first time, hitting the right string or hitting it at all.

I've have definetly improved in skill. Even if it's just the second time. It is much easier to hit the correct (uhm, what is called) place on the neck, remembering number 5, 7 and 9 with the dots. Then it is also easy to find 4, 6 and 8. And also shifting between strings. But I think it's very difficult to quickly move my fingers to a specific chords and shifting between them. And also finding the correct string in the center. The two upper strings and the two bottom strings is easier to "find" when I play. But then I also have problems that is more specific to the game, remembering which color represents which string. The upper one and the lowest one is easy. And yeah, chords. But it is fun when you feel you improve every time.

My Battlestar Galactica game is still setup on my table, waiting to play the first round. :D
I had problems understanding how to do with the crisis cards. I am watching some tutorials on youtube. Eh, that has also been delayed. I got other things in my mind. I felt so angry and upset about my Neato vacuum cleaner not working properly. I got really really frustrated and couldn't calm down. I also had other thoughts on my mind that I don't want to talk about here really regarding cancer and social stuff. I had to take a few oxascand to relax, and it works. I felt I wanted to play Rocksmith. It's good when the medication works.

I am still running the battery calibration procedure on my Neato. It seems so confused. It doesn't seem to be able to find it's way back to the charging station anymore.

Neato XV Signature Pro fix Part. 2

I will try and do the battery calibration procedure described on Neato's homepage. And hope that it will fix the problem.

I will update this blog when I have any results.

If it is a software bug they really should consider releasing a firmware upgrade. I have not seen an update in a long time.

Cancer and Anime routine

Hi. I have been writing a little bit about my cancer (osteosarcoma) in a previous post. This was the first time I started talking about it more openly. I explained in that post that I also had cancer in 2010, but I never really spoke about it with anyone.

I want to have a daily, or almost daily update about the progress here. But also I still want to write about technical stuff and other hacks I love doing on my spare time as I have done before. And now, I got so much spare time that I even feel sometimes that I am loosing my motivation. I get a lot of medication to help me for anxiety and depression. It does work a little. If I don’t eat too much of it so that I get double vision :) I still need to work on my motivation, it doesn't come automatically.

I woke up this morning breathing very strangely. It did not scare or worry me at that moment. I was so confused and just tried to figure out what happened. I was afraid the tumour had grown over night and blocked my throat. But I could breath. I just had to spit out something from my mouth. I spit it out in my hand and it was like a large blood filled blob. It made me scared that I had bled a lot during the night and looked everywhere in my sheets and pillows, but I saw nothing. So that was good. Then I used something called "cyklokapron" to help stop the bleeding. It has worked every time. I think the same medication have different names in other countries.

I am also a little worried that I have become addicted to OxyNorm (morphine type painkiller). But I don't want my doctor to know about it. Im afraid he will not let me take it on my own, or will prescribe smaller packages of it. I must have taken 100mg yesterday spread out over one day. And I do take it whenever feeling the slightest pain, I dont take it just to get high, it doesn't work that very well as a drug I think. When addicted I feel I need to take more and more of it to have any good effect. I have decided to take smaller and smaller doses and eventually nothing after a while. Unless I am in so much pain that I cannot handle it without strong painkillers.

I have had this routine to watch one anime per day every morning. I bought like 40 or 50 movies on dvd and a few blu-ray. I am not a big Anime nerd. I wanted to watch anime in my teenage years. But bying anime here in Sweden was among the most expensive and hard to find among all movies. Today however, all the movies I bought cost like 5 or 10 SEK, I guess 1 to 2 USD. I had a small break from my daily anime for a while because I lost motivation. I felt I had some more motivation today. Some of the better anime I've seen has been of the lowest quality, dubbed to Swedish, looks like a transfer from VHS with those screwed sounds that overused VHS tapes could have :) probably just nostalgia, but I love nostalgia. Some of the movies i lost interest in the middle and could not keep watching, the story often gets too complicated.

Some of the movies I watched that I liked was Leda, Cowboy Bebop, Tokyo Godfathers, Ken: The Great Bear fist, and Metropolis was probably my favorite over all of them. But I have seen Metropolis before long time ago. Other movies seemed very good, but I had a hard time getting into them like First Squad, Memories,  Tekkonkinkreet, Legend of the Millennium Dragon and Steam boy. All of these movies was in a box, except Leda and Ken. All of those movies had very high quality, so 9 movies at a very good price. :)

I was thinking about watching Blood: The Last Vampire this morning. But I fell asleep and now I don't feel like it.

That is one problem I have, is motivation and getting this joyful feeling of wanting to do something. Although I know motivation doesn't come automatically. I need to work on it. I don't want to spend my time forcing myself to do things of course. But just do things that I enjoy doing. And some days I don't feel like doing anything at all, I miss that joyful feeling.

Having this routine to watch an anime every morning felt good for a while. Because I had something positive to look forward to. Otherwise, my future looks pretty dark at this moment. I am afraid of what can happen, the tumour is growing, and sometimes bleeding. The apricot seeds doesn't really seem to help at all. But I will keep eating them anyway. The thing is, OxyNorm helps me get this joyful feeling, even if it for a short while. It works. But I really really try to take it only if I am in pain. When I explain this to doctors they don’t understand. They only know about the common side effects, when I say I get happy and talkative after a dose of OxyNorm they seem to get confused like "that is not possible", because it is not among one of the side effects? I don't know. However I am going to take much smaller dose next time I feel pain, because a smaller dose works. And never take it to get "high".

And I think I will skip my morning anime today. A cup of coffee usually boosts my motivation a little. I never continued playing Battlestar Galactica yesterday. So I might do that instead :)

And I need some more Rocksmith practice every day also. I need to concentrate on what I can do now, and not worry about the future.

Battlestar Galactica the Board Game

I bought the Battlestar Galactica Board Game, and I decided to play a round with myself today, decided for a 4 player game. I have just set up all the things I need to start playing, and I already feel like I want to take a break from it *sigh*

But it does look like a fun game so far. Now I think the only problem is to find people that want to play this game with me. People I know usually don't have the commitment and the motivation for games that are too complicated. My brother is probably interested, and maybe one of my friends.

Different from most games, where you play against one another and one player wins. In this games everyone cooperates too survive on the ship Galactica, and reach the end goal of the planet Kobol, which you achieve by doing a certain amount of jumps (going at speed of light). However, one or more people might secretly be a cylon and wants to ruin things along the journey. So I guess you can say there are two teams. Cylons and Humans, if you reach Kobol the game ends and the humans wins. Otherwise the cylons would win, destroying Galactica in any way.

Well, if I didn't get anything wrong. That is all I understand from the game so far. Setting up the game takes some time. And I am not used to these kinds of games. I have only played more simple games in the past. So this is the first time for me playing such a complicated game.

I have not seen the Battlestar Galactiva tv-series, and people do say that this is a game for people who are fans of the show. But I'm not completely sure about that. I do think you can enjoy this game anyway. But it might add a lot to the experience of playing if you are familiar with the tv-show.
I have tried watching the show a few times, but it never really caught my interest very much. I got bored of it very quickly.

I am a fan of a few Star Trek series, Next Generation I liked the most. And I am one of those odd people that really liked Voyager at the time when it was new. I tried watching Voyager again a few times, but then I didn't enjoy it as much. Hated those episodes where they got stuck in their own holodeck and a few other boring holodeck episodes. People always tells me to watch Deep Space 9, I tried doing that also, but never got into it enough to get stuck with it. Well, that was not what I was going to talk about here anyway.

I will start the first round now... Soon, or maybe play some Rocksmith. I don't know ;D