Tumour growth

It worries me everytime I feel that the tumour has grown. It grows closer and closer to my left ear, and is pushing from the inside. I don't know exactly.  The tumour has been getting much harder, more solid. Changing it's shape inside my mouth. I can still eat and breath.

And it worries me alot when they have to put in tracheotomy for breathing. They probably have to do that some time.
I have had that before after the operation, when they removed half my cheekbone. But during that time I was asleep (general anaesthesia?) when they did it.

I don't know if they can do that now. There has been problems before during other operations when they need to put me to sleep. Since I could not open my mouth enough for them to put the tube into my lungs for breathing. I had to be awake during the entire procedure of general anaesthesia. They put local anaesthesia in many places on my face, one directly in the throat underneath the adams apple I think, but also in my eye, in the corner (nasolacrimal canal). That was very very uneasy. Then they pressed a quite large tube into my nose, they needed to do it quickly so it was almost a kind of violent. Then I couldn't breath for a few seconds when they got into the lungs I guess. And then I just breathed automatically with help of a machine. Then I got the shot to make me sleep, and I was just gone in a second. But that entire process wasn't so fun.

When I got to another hospital, and did an operation there I asked them if they needed to do this thing again. But no appearently not. They couldn't understand why that was necessary, they do the procedure like normal, put me to sleep first and then I don't have to experience all the stuff with the tubes and whatever they do. So, I don't know, now I have this large tumour in my mouth. What if they need to put me to sleep again for some reason. I wonder, and I worry what they will do.

I've seen on TV when they take some sharp object and just thrusts it into the throat. Doesn't seem like something I want to experience.