Sunday 20 September 2015

Day of the dead

There is always this part of the day when everyone seems unavailable.

They're doing something else, not available in the chat rooms. Nobody responds of the phone.

No one to talk to.

At the same time. I try to read a little bit about Flex & Bison to make my BASIC programming parser. I've started on on it a little bit. It can assign variables and do some simple math and things like that.

But I got stuck on how to do when parsing code like "IF A>5 THEN", and then it is supposed to parse another block of code until it reaches "ENDIF" or something like that. There are special functionality for that in Bison... or Flex

I read one page, and then I was bored.

I took a quick shower and changed clothes. That felt good.

My robotic vacuum cleaner also stopped today with the message "House Cleaning - paused". For no apparent reason at all. I just left it there until it ran out of battery. And I put it back in the charger. I don't know what the problem is. And I have no energy to care so much about it. Anymore. Maybe I should turn this one in as faulty too.

I had a chat with friends on downloading films. E think's that it is completely OK to pay for a service where no money goes to the film industry or the makers, just for the servers holding the torrents so that you don't even have to seed to other downloaders. And that he doesn't care about "the poor film makers", in that case if it ruins the entire film industry, it is just evolution, and maybe people can do better stuff instead.

I don't understand that logic at all. Then why do you need movies so badly that you're ready to pay for a service? but not to a service that goes to the people making the movie? OK, I understand, it is a service that has more movies that for instance Netflix has. Because Netflix has to go through all this stupid economical trouble to get a movie on their site.

But I don't think it is like E says. "evolution" will not remove movies, lol, never. There will always be people who burn passionately for making movies and writing stories, just like all people grow up with different interests. And I think they would be very happy if they could have their closest interest as a job and make money on it.

He doesn't seem to understand much. Neither did the others I think. It was similar in the discussion yesterday. When I was talking about making a drone/quad copter.

And E took for granted that I would buy a complete model...?

No, of course not. I have no interest in quad copters/drones in that way. I am interested in electronics, building stuff and doing the mathematics and figuring out how to get it stable and working with the programming, and building the electronics and everything from scratch. I have already made a small programmable board with an accelerometer and a gyro sensor on it. I would maybe like to have a blue tooth module to read out the values wirelessly.

That is the fun part, do all the development, and then see that what you did works. Just buying a complete quadcopter/drone is just a waste of money.

And of course, if you're gonna do that you need to fail over and over again many many times until you get it right. I think that is a problem that E has, and also reminds me of my father. They can't accept that failing is a way to achieve progress. I think E would laugh in my face if I said that.

But actually, that is reality, that is how it is! I cannot tell you how many times I've failed at programming something before I got it right. But now it is like riding a bicycle, that knowledge won't go away. I won't forget how to program anything in C because I've done it so much. I've done wrong so many times that I understand how things work on a deeper level. When I failed I needed to figure out what was wrong, and I discovered how things works in assembler level, on hardware level. So that I could even do my own CPU if I wanted to.

And you could probably dive into the mathematics of the regulation on a quad-copter forever. We did PID regulators in school. That was one of the most fun courses I did in school. But it is sad how that knowledge just seem to dissipate and fade away if you don't maintain it and use it often. I don't remember much of signals and systems course and regulators. I remember a little bit... Maybe you could to a step analysis and analyze the result of the acceletometer/gyro data, and go from there... You see, that is what I remember. If I pick up the book and started working on it. Things would probably start getting back to me again.

But maybe the regulation doesn't have to be that advanced as a PID regulator. Maybe it just need to be simple, like the program senses from the accelerometer/gyro that the thing is tilting a little bit too much to the left so give a little more power to the left engine and less to the right until it reaches a zero value, it will probably overshoot so the program needs to do the opposite, etc etc.. And if you get it right so that it doesn't overshoot more, which would be an unstable regulator. But it needs to be configured to be a stable regulator so that the drone actually stabilizes.

Well, anyway, I didn't get much ideas or input from them. Not anything that would be realistic anyway. E thought that building your own drone was impossible, or extremly difficult. And that you needed tools that was impossible to get. I almost laughed, I don't think it is impossible. I don't think I need more than me Dremel kit and the electronics I already have at home. I've seen people do it, younger than me and without any fine electronics engineering degrees like I have. But that is just how E is I think, extremely negative. He always says he is a "realist", but I don't think he is at all. I just think he is a loser in a way.

Being negative doesn't mean you're a "realist", it just means you can't do anything because you wont even try to. You don't even think about trying. You're just.. I don't know. A loser? I can't find a better word for it.

Something I fear is that I got a very bad influence from him over all these years. I can't blame him really. But I am not sure about it. Sometimes I am afraid that he has programmed my brain, manipulated me into being this negative person myself so that I can be more like him. Always thinking "I can't"...

But I remember also, and I have written about it, in this blog. My father is exactly the same. He is also very negative, and he doesn't see the possibility in something. He often goes with the "I can't" direction when choosing a path, and doesn't choose to see the possibilities, even if they're right there in front of him. Are these people afraid of trying, or maybe afraid of failing?

I can find and see possibilities and ways on how to solve problems and do things. Otherwise I would never be able to have the job I had. No way.

While both E and my father is completely opposite from me. They will just say "No, forget it, it doesn't work".
And sometimes, when I know for a fact that something is possible to do. I feel so bored and depressed, because E always gets it his way, because he is the leader and the alpha-male. And his negativity always wins in the end.

When I talked about the board I've made, the programmable MCU with an acceletometer and a gyro and serial connection via USB to my computer. I wonder what went through their mind. Because doing something like that, I would assume to be impossible to do yourself. When I said I didn't really have the motivation to keep working on it, although I could probably use it in a center of a quad copter to sense movement, tilting, rotations. I would need alot of PWM's to drive brushless DC engines also...

M's response was "There's is probably already people who has done programs you can just download and just get it running.". I wanted to laugh out loud. I wonder what went through his mind.

First of all, that is none of my interest, I have no interest in using anything complete that someone else had made.
And no, of course in a million years that anyone can find pre-made programs for my board that I've built. What I has done is completely unique. Maybe there is something for Arduino or RPi yes. But what I have done is not using an Arduino or RPi. You could say is is a Danielino.

It is something that soldered together myself from scratch, and that is how I would like to continue doing things. That is what I am interested in, that is what I love doing.

I feel a little sad and lonely that nobody really understands me and my interests and hobbies. I can chat with people online on forums. They would understand.

I always used to love programming and doing things myself. I remember as if I had more motivation back then... But when I think more about it, my projects was never really finished back then either. I usually just got halfway, then I stopped, or got bored and started on a new project.

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