I feel very sad now, I am worried about my ear.

It has swollen more and more around my ear. Making it almost completly impossible to hear anything on my left side.

I want to be able to listen to music that I love. Play guitar. And things like that. How can I ever do that. I will always play so it sounds like shit. Because I can't hear notes. I was not good at that before either. But it is like playing with plugs in my ear.

I can't enjoy music in the same way. I remember when I could hear all those wonderful sharp sounds in Pink Floyd music for instance. Or Dire Straits. Or other Hi-Fi music. I can't do that anymore.

But there is a another thing that I really enjoyed. I listened through that 3CD Tom Waits album.. Orphans, while reading the lyrics at the same time. Tom Waits can do some really beautiful songs, and in-between some that are more difficult to listen to. And I think it is difficult to hear what he sings. Anyway I listened and read the lyrics. And found that it is a really really good album.

When I read the lyrics I could also hear it sounds more like music than noise. Of course, because it really is music. But he has a thing in his lyrics + voice in those noisy songs that makes them very deep and beautiful in a different way.

He writes some really good lyrics.

I took a large dose of oxascand now.

And I took a dose of oxynorm. Because that usually has a positive effect.

I cried a little now. I feel I need to be with my parents.

My friends are not to any good help now. They're more more of a burden. They often ignore my messages in the chat group. I whine and complain alot. But that is something new. It is usually I that have to listen to their complaints and whining about all sorts of different things.

I will try and enjoy my fika. My coffee is getting cold.

Eating all the candy.