Friday, 18 September 2015

Stormy day today, got bad thoughts.

If you're a reader that doesn't want to read about my constant whining about my friends. This is not a post for you. But sometimes. Like I said before. I need to get some things off my chest that I have been carrying.

So I got everyone to change from whatsapp to viber. But now nobody is using it as much as they used whatsapp. Nobody to chat with most of the time.

That is the thing with E. He always wins. There is no exception. He is very manipulating. And I don't know if he is aware that he is manipulating or not.

I hate whatsapp. It crashes every time I want to add a photo or says "your camera is not working". Though it works perfect when used normally. It also eats away CPU usage for some reason. And my memory gets filled up constantly. Draining both battery and memory.

I have been using viber for years without any big problems.

Years ago I was chatting with a friend in china. And I was at E's place. And someone commented on this. "Isn't it fantastic now. You're chatting with someone across the earth." And E shouted out "You're sending SMS to china isn't that expensive!!!". But he gave me no time to answer.

I wanted to say. No, it is "free". There is no charge so send a message, I use the internet connection to send messages via an app called Viber. But he just gives no time to respond. He just said that "isn't thay expensive". And just walked away.

I might have started to respond, but at that time he had already left the room.
I mean like, in a very alpha-male manner, very controlling over you. I felt that I needed a very powerful voice to answer. Because he just immediately changed to talk about something else when he came back. He has a very powerful voice that gives you no room to talk.

I think I managed to mention viber and explain it. But 80% of the information seems to get lost in the "I don't care attitude" of the brain. And the response might have been. "Lol. That sounds gay".

I don't think they understood what I meant. I tried explaining "it is like ICQ but on the phone". And I just got this feeling from everyone that sound really really bad. "But we can send sms. That atleast works".. It was something that they couldn't accept I remember. They said "but that will not always work if you don't have internet". "but you have 3g or 4g don't you".... etc etc. And the discussion could go on. And no matter what I say. E or C will win in the end. Even if they are completly wrong. They will win the discussion in the end. Whatever idea I have, it is not worth it, it is not worth the effort or the trouble to do anything I ever say.

It isn't until E discovers it himself that things start to happen. So you can never ever really recommend anything to them. Only E has the power to do that.

I don't know why they listened to me this time and changed to Viber. Maybe it is because of my situation and they feel a little sorry for me or something.

However. It was easy as hell to get my sister and my mother and father to use viber. They didn't complain. They didn't judge it or anything. They just installed it and used it.

So. I have been keeping using SMS and MMS to those friends for years. I cannot go in to the group and say to everyone. Try this app and we can chat for free instead of sending sms all the time. Doing that is like trying to bring down a brick wall with a spoon.

But for E it is so easy. He just says get whatsapp and we can chat. Only it was 3 or 2 years later. Since I first mentioned Viber. And that was before whatsapp existed I think. I'm not sure, maybe whatsapp was out before Viber... Anyway, I used Viber first. And I understood very quickly why it was good.. Because I have been trying to use ICQ app on my phone to chat with friends. And that didn't work as well. Also the skype app wasn't so good at the time. And I only had one friends who used skype at the time. Viber was much faster and worked better.

It was excatly the same thing with Skype I remember now. It took I think many many many years until E discovered it and then everyone ofcourse "needed" it according to him.

Another friend W recommened skype to us so many years ago, but same thing there. E immidietly judged it as "gay" or uneccesary, C said we use .... uhm, don't remember the name, but that application that all gamers use to talk to each other while playing games. And one person always needs to struggle to get a server up and running.

When E discovered skype many many years later, I told E "Yeah, you know skype isn't anything new. We use it at work all the time. And do you remember that time W recomended it for us?".

I've heard others just having so much trouble with whatsapp also. And it takes over everything. It wants access to every single information in your phone.

And the emojis are boring.

And you need to pay a dollar after some time if you want to keep it I think.

But once I complained a little, which I probably never ever do (except here on the blog and in my private diary where I get out all my anger and frustration) Ofcourse E had to complain on Viber.

He just needs to do that because he didn't get it his way this time. So he doesn't use viber on the phone. Cause it sucks he says, he said "Hahah, this app *middlefinger emoji*" And then he just removed it. But it is like he is just doing it out of spite. There is no logical reason. Viber works perfectly well, it looks and works almost exactly like whatsapp. I know more people on my list that uses viber than people who use whatsapp. So I don't really want two chat programs anyway.

I am pretty sure it is that way. He only refuses to use viber out of spite. I am pretty sure of it.

I can keep writing about my stupid friends here. Because I am quite certain that they will never read my blog anyway. A blog doesn't interest them at all.

Now I feel I have complained on them a little bit too much. I almost feel bad over it. And maybe I should remove this. Or make it private in some way.

I didn't feel well at all last night. As I have said before. The night is the worst part of the day. I feel lonely, I feel anxiety. But yesterday was almost extreme. I took alot of anxiety pills and finally slept well.

I can't really chat with my friends then. They want to go to sleep.

I have other friends who say "call me any time you want, even in the middle of the night if you want to".. I don't do that. I don't want to call people in the night.

These closest friends I have been writing about doesn't seem to take my situation seriously a lot of the time. Sometimes I get the feeling that they think "bohoo, so you have terminal cancer. so what?"

They have never ever said that ofcourse, and they probably don't think like that. But I think they have it difficult to show feelings. And so I get this thought in my head that this is how they think.

But when I write to the chat group. "I don't feel well. I don't feel well at all". Or write that I am depressed or write that I feel extremely lonely. I never get an answer.

Maybe they don't know what to do. Of course I can understand that. But saying nothing at all just makes it worse. Someone could at least say. "Something I can do".... yes. Just chatting about something. An anime, a game. Whatever, doesn't matter. I just need company.

Or like yesterday I kept writing lines after lines about some economical issue. But I don't know if anyone even read it at all.

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