Fantasy Life and motivation

I forgot. I got this in the mail today. Fantasy Life for 3DS.

I just read that Nobuo Uematsu Made the music for it. Then I bought it. 

I am also waiting to get Splatoon that I ordered yesterday. With three Amiibos. I am not sure I'll even like the game. I don't usually like deathmatch games so much. Because it is so difficult to get good at them. And you need to play wirh friends. And.. I've talked about my friends haven't I.. I am the worst looser on competetive games. Others laughing in your face when you loose like "haha. How is it going daniel? Need a little help". Or the other laugh which is more like "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA", and I worry about my poor neighbour that lives under me. And then there is the other way around, I win, and they loose. In that situation, "this game sucks, the controls sucks, it is boring"...  so we are all loosers. So we shouldn't play games against each other.

Reminds me when I first tried mgs4 online. Seriously. You cannot be alive for more than a couple of seconds in that game.

Oh. Why do I buy all these Amibos. :/

I've been playing Mario Maker. To be honest. Games where you need to be creative isn't really my thing. 

I can't really make fun levels. I am bad at that.

Maybe gaming is something that I get more and more bored by. Maybe I am too old. Trying to hang on to that childhood happiness by buying all this crap.

But even if I saved my money for electronics hobbystuff. I wouldn't know what to do either. It is like my mind is full of all this mess and all those thoughts. I cannot get fourier transforms and sallen-key links and bode plots and all that stuff in there anymore. It is getting pushed out by stupidifying things.

I just have no single fucking clue how to make an oscillator. It is like an unstable filter or something but... *sigh*... if I could just wish that enthusiasm back into my head.

I feel so depressed and sad. And stupid. I need a boost. I want to have that feeling again whete I realise "wow, I can really do this. I have found something that I can do". How wonderful that was.

I remember I was doing math. Because I failed at math in school. I didn't get my grades. So I was doing it on Komvux. And I was completly alone. We had no classroom. Just a teacher that came to visit once a week or something.

And I was doing derivatives. And I tried to understand it. And then I came to a point where I needed to calculate a value 'e', where e^x had the derivative e^x.. And I solved it. And that made me so happy. It really boosted my confidence. That I could understand it. And I started loving math.

I should do excerises from my school books still. Because it is really fun when you get those "aha" moments.

But where the hell is my motivation at. I picked up the physics book once. And I did the first excerise. And I failed... and I couldn't understand why. It was just a simple question on accuracy on where to put the comma when for example calculating 1.93 * 1.8. Well since it doesn't say 1.80. The answer should only have one decimal right? But the answer in the back said differently. And I was confused. Was the book wrong. Was I wrong? And I got bored in a second and didn't pick it up again. *sigh*