Monday, 7 September 2015

Getting things done and motivation

Feeling like I have no motivation to start any of my dead projects.
I wanted to talk to my friends about my spacegame. But I reaĺly get no input. They are not interested. And I just got this heavy feeling of boredom that I don't know what to do about.

I was talking to someone online. Or if it was IRL, or on a forum. Can't remember. Maybe it was in a dream.

Anyway I was talking about this problem I have. And maybe it is common  among electronics engineers.

A project is very fun from the start. You have lots of  ideas you think is great, but then getting half of them being thrown in the trashcan. Because they didn't fit customer demands  (although I thought they did) or battery low-power demands (which are sometimes ridicoulous, sometimes its like they want a lear jet but no added energy consumption from the device, energy must be free).

And constantly hearing from coworkers, when I have an idea I get told "you can't do this because of my thing here won't work then etc etc".

And someone else decides that the best solution for some problem I have is this circuit needs to be added in my device. Al tough my own solution is so much more simple, and would definitely work. Just add this extra wire, no hassle.

But I get no backup -because, I'm the newbie, the student, the person that does NOT have their 30+ experience in the field. And then in the end my product dies and stalls my project for years. It doesn’t feel good when ny boss expects it to be fully functonal now. When code is stiĺl stuck somewhere in in a side branch or some thing just because I have been troubleshooting for months and months on this circuit that someone else added into my design.

So they blame it on lack of documentation. There is documentation. But  I was  specifically told not to include any information on how to program the devices. It wasn't interesting you said... But now that they need it, there is apparently lack of lack of documentation

The few times when I have tried to raise my voice at work, "Hello! I think this problem actually is kind of random!".
"-No, it isn't!". Boss tells us we need too cooperate, "Troubleshoot this problem in this way and don't think outside of the box". Coworker thinks newlygraduated engineers are unreliable... just look at my  previous unfinished products for example. So I can not be trusted. I feel more or less useless, alot of the time. And I keep troubleshooting in this meaninless fashion, trying to achieve what? really?
In the end, the problem was resolved by a person who has much more space and time to think outside the box, -"So, the problem is kind of random really, we were just *lucky* to find it".

But that's work.

Completely different story. And I don't need to work now.

I am thinking about  all my half finished projects at home.. have I written about that before? yeah I think so, that old space game project

I have no motivation. My solution is.
You just start anyway, and keep starting again, over and over. it's hard work to get something you like doing and keep liking it

It would be fun to be on this spaceship. Kind of like in Silent  Running. You need to be close to the sun in orbit. To get sun for your food to grow and power for you solar panels. You would to have these programmable droids. That can do things.

Yet again, I feel Like there's soo much work. There are some problems than I know of can be solved by using ODE (Open Dynamics Engine) for example. I'm not a very good designer.
I don't remember where I wrote this before, but It would be nice to have some friends that can help motivate each other.
At this point though, I really feel like the depression is taking over 110%
There is not much I can do.

I have not done anything with my quite expensive electronics lab so far. I which I knew what to do. I have this idea to use my nixie tubes to show outside and inside temperature and clock. Need to build a power supply for that. Really don't know much about that. Yet..

I have ideas that has just been laying here, waiting, for weeks. And *poof* one day I'm gone. And all this is for nothing really.

I think what is most important is to try and get back that motivation to do something. The is the most difficult part for me.

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