I don't really feel like writing

But I`ll write a little anyway.

As you can see my feet were very swollen yesterday.

Also there was stupid discussions in the chat room. And I am always the one that is wrong. No matter what I say. The superior alpha male is always correct no matter what he says. And then there are personal opinions ofcourse.

I don't mind being forced to pay for commercial free radio and TV in Sweden. What they produce for that money is actually of high quality. Compared to channels that you are not forced to pay for but has to see commercials anyway.

But I get irritated over people, who pay for a service that lets you download movies and series for free. Where non of that money goes to the film makers. The money goes to the the people running the servers so that you don't have to seed a kilobyte to anyone else when downloading.

First of all, you are missing the entire point of the bittorrent system, which is a good system I would like to see take over all sorts of file downloading online. Bittorrent has nothing to do with piracy. And is your upload functionality so precious to you like it is your own dick. That is what is so sad with everyrhing today.

Someone said. It is good that the film industry and music industry have to suffer a little bit. Yes, I agree a little bit. They are greedy, and they do produce a lot of shit.

Where do they get the money for the Transformers movies, if piracy is hurting the industry so much?

Well. There were many things that irritated me again about my friends and their stupid attitude against things. I cannot change them. They just kept ignoring what I wrote, that made me angry. Lonely...What am I to them? Am I a friend to them?

Once I said that the most beautiful thing in life was "this" moment. A moment many years ago when we were on a sailing boat during the sunset and the weather was perfect... Do you know what the response was.... 

Laughter. They laughed at me.

Once I said that,  I loved sunsets and just sitting there feeling relaxed. E responded that it was a cliché and laughed at it.

But, yesterday E said the same thing. That the beauty in life is not in our electronics and your tv's or computers bla bla bla...  That experience life was being outside and enjoying nature. And I never felt like laughing at him for saying that. I agree. Nature is beautiful. But this is how he can be such a manipulative hypocrite.

And all these thoughts came rushing through my head on how girl came rushing up towards him and saying things like "ooh,  I love you E, tou are so philosophical and deep oooooh how cute".

Compared to the situation where I said something similar, and E just *scoffed* at it.

Ofcourse there would be a girl next to him at that moment too. Probably not saying anything.

E can manipulate you in a way during s discussion. So that your thought process just stands still, I can't think for myself any more. I can't respond to his stupidity. So even if he says something really really stupid, and you try to explain to him how wrong he is. He will do something or say something making it so that my brain actually believes in his stupid idea, and then maybe the next day you'll have a good answer in your head. But then it is already too late anyway.

The truth is, he is a hypocrite, egoistical and selfish. He can sometimes act as a complete idiot and always get away with it. And he manipulates people. you can't have a discussion, because he needs to win the discussion, always.

And I should't really think or write about it now. Because it makes me depressed and kills my motivation.

Sometimes I feel like I want to say something to E. That hurts just as much as when he says things that hurts me. With his hysterical laughter.

Once I said that I want to stop spending time with them so much. Or probably not  at all. They said nothing. And I think they ignored it.

I think I have said it twice. The first time E laughed and said "hahaha, oh, you will be crawling back us.". And that hurt me. Because I believed in it.

But I don't want it to be like that. Now I don't really spend time with them so much the last few years. I just stopped contacting them. I think that is the best way. I notice that it is them who comes crawling back to me.

Now I feel I need more social contact than usual. Because I am alone at home. Often bored. And feel the need sometimes to talk to people.

But I don't know if this chat group we have is having a positive or negative effect on me.

Now I have stop writing about this. Because it makes everything feel worse.

Swollen feet