So tired today

I woke up in the middle of the night. Around 3 and moved to the couch. Watched Macross Plus. And I'm still in the couch. I am so tired now, my body wants to sleep but I don't want to sleep. I want to be awake and do things. Start that first round in Battlestar Galactica for example *sigh*. I am so unmotivated to do that. Motivation to keep tinkering with my electronics.

They said I could get tired after the radiaton therapy. I have also increased my dose of Fentanyl to 75micrograms. Also oxascand and saroten doses have been increased.

I started a new period with cortison yesrerday. And hopefully that will make me less tired during the day.

I played Rocksmith yesterday also. Yeah, just look at my previous posts :)
I kept repeating that small part for 3 hours. And I finally beat it at 100% speed and 100% difficulty. That was so fun. However you don't have to play it perfectly, Rocksmith allows you to make some mistakes. And I can't really play in a way so that it sounds beautiful. I think it sounds quite "robotic" in a way when I play. I don't really "feel" the music while I play. Because I concentrate so much on hitting the right string and the right note. Still haven't learned guitar jargon, what is it called, positions where you hold the string to make a certain tone. Ah, whatever.

I showed the video I made to my friends but I ofcourse had get a bitchy comment about it. "I can hear the plastic Guitar Hero clicks in the background". Yeah, OK. Nobody else cared. It is mostly like that with my friends, everything that I do is pointless according to them. But I have to do things that I love doing now and not care about what they think. I just don't want them to come over here anymore really if I have to stand hearing how pointless everything I do is.

I also did a tutorial in bending the strings, like you hear in country and blues music alot. That was difficult to make it sound good. You need to bend the string so much, it hurts. My fingers haven't grown that thick skin that guitarplayers probably have :)

I still also have it difficult to find the correct place on the neck. I often lock the string or push on the metallic bar and it sounds crap.

But, it is only my 4th day since I started. And I feel like I have done lots of progress. And that feels fun :)

Now I got sad that I don't have much time left. A very sad feeling right now.

I will see a doctor today also.