Just some random thoughts of whatever flows out of my mind

I started writing very fluidly on my phone, then my phone was being stupid getting stuck at 15% charged and kept jumping up and down from 14% to 15% and popping up that stupid message "you image upload have been cancelled for low battery" bla bla bla or "your drop-box account is full" bla bla... Yeah it was the phone that wanted me to have drop-box, stop complaining at me. I went to the computer to keep writing, but now I feel that the fluidity of this post is kind of lost. But I'll publish it anyway.

A friend of mine, or rather acquaintance maybe, just got this Corsair K70 with cool programmable RGB LED's. I have been looking at those before but was a little bit turned off because of the "gaming" sticker on there, and they are quite expensive. *Meh*. Whatever.

But now I really want one :)

I often feel my time is short, how much time do I have left. I want to have as fun as I can for as long as I can. And I often feel, what if I don't even live up until my next pay day, I keep using money from my savings account.

People probably think I am crazy. How can an RGB lit keyboard give that much enjoyment. But that is just who I am I guess. I love technology and toys, it can sometimes bring so much happiness. And this feeling of limited time also makes me feel I need things NOW, I can't wait two or three weeks.

I know, I am being materialistic. That is a bad thing that I have. I should find enjoyment being with my family and friends and and find happiness in that and work of those relationships. Especially with my father, where I have felt that the relationship between us has changed for the negative, a lot.

I have it too good here, I live in a wonderful apartment. I got things and electronics lab equipment that some people wish they had... I got everything, and still, I can get bored. It is the worst feeling, getting bored and unmotivated, when I have all this.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." Matthew 6:19-20

Anything can happen in two weeks, or even just in one week, or a day. Suddenly an artery breaks or gets blocked by the tumour or I can't breath. I don't know what kind of problems can happen, the doctors don't really know either. I just got all these pills to help me from anxiety, and they work sometimes, sometimes not so much. Things like that scare me so much. I live for today and don't worry about tomorrow. Because tomorrow everything can be gone.

I just wish I could buy that keyboard today. But I have bought so many things I always wanted, I need to look at what I have. the Battlestar Galactica game still standing to be played, lol :) But I find no motivation for that right now. And I have the guitar now, that brings plenty and plenty of enjoyment :) It is so fun to play, even if it sounds like crap. I feel like playing later.

Anyway for the Corsair RGB keyboard, I had to check up first so that it works in Linux. Because I run nothing else than Linux on my computers. It is a rule that I have set up for my self between 10 or 15 years ago or so.

Almost like becoming a vegan or something like that. Yes, with the lifestyle you choose there comes limitations. I can't do everything on my computer that most people can with Windows, I can't run those expensive software that people use (that they probably acquire illegally anyway, together with some viruses along with it).

I have to stand being ridiculed over and over, hearing bitchy comments about my choice of operating system is wrong. "Why can't you be like everyone else", "Why do you use Linux? what is the point?" etc etc, I think it's most common, and the bitchy comments like "Wanna play a game? Oh yeah forgot, you can't do that on your computer you have to write the software first, LOL".

But being like everyone else or not, that is not what it is about, everyone is missing the point completely.

I choose Linux, because of freedom. I'm not handcuffed by my operating system. Because that is how I feel when using Windows. It puts me in a locked up situation where the operating system tells you how to use it, and then it doesn't work anyway.

And how do I fix it? Calling customer support? "Did you plug in thw power cord". How can I figure out in a deeper, down to hardware specific information what errors might have happened.

Microsoft wants their operating system to be easy to use for the user, I get that, that is a good thing!

But with it, comes for some reason (like watching a TV commersial based channel) all these things like "Please install our search bar", or "please install our product it will increase performance", etc etc etc. You know how it is. You need to filter all that out when using Windows. Once you learn that it works a little bit better. Sometimes, when you press "NO, I don't want it" and then give you some mind bending questions and you get that dirty search bar anyway that increases the load time of your browser 50%.

The computer always seems to get slower and slower in time anyway. Non-technical people seem to believe that computers gets slower in time. They don't, new computers are faster yes, yes. But the computer you bought 2 years ago is just as fast now as it was 2 years ago. But Windows makes it sure to install more and more software and drivers and fixes until it gets to a point where it seems like 90% the computer seems to do is use it's power to run background processes that comes from software "needs" to have this background program running, or just unnecessary programs that you never really needed in the first place.

Of course there are sometimes problems with Linux as well, it is not perfect, far from perfect. Sometimes things just stops working after an upgrade for example. But the more problems that arise, the more I learn how to fix things. The more I learn how the OS works. I still don't know after 10 years how Linux works 100%, but I have never been able to NOT resolve a problem. If something doesn't work, I can figure out the problem and fix it, by googling or just reading the man pages. And the OS doesn't seems to get slower and slower no matter how much new stuff I get installed, because all that stuff doesn't need background processes taking up memory etc. I don't need to worry about "search bars", or other completely unnecessary "clean you disk" software that gets thrown in my face. If I want to clean my disk with some certain software, I look up the software I need and get it, I don't want my operating system tell me what I need.

It is also so simple to get started programming in Linux. Just like back in the Amiga and C64 days. You get all the software you need to just start practising. Of course you don't get a manual with the PC explaining programming in Linux. These days you need to search online for tutorials. I think it would be fun if someone made a PC, with a decent distribution pre-installed, and a programming manual with it. My taste would be C or C++. Or if that is overkill as a beginners language, there are 100's out there to choose from, Some people will probably say Python. Personally I think Python is a mess of spaghetti and noodles of libraries and yada-yada. But so many people say it is good, so I trust them, just never got into it myself so much.

Oh, and back to gaming...

I love games, but PC gaming has become such a far away thing for me. I have of course mostly used computers as gaming machines in the past, first my brothers C64, then the Amiga where I learned to program in Basic a little.

But when I got my first PC in 1997 I think, a 133MHz, don't think it even was called Pentium at that time. I don't remember, or it was the very first Pentium maybe.

I had Windows 95 back then. Then I started programming in QBASIC, and later Turbo Pascal and trying to make my own things, very slowly. Took some years for me to figure out Mode 13h, but then it became much more fun to try and program my own games. You can read about that in an old post I did a few years back. Still, I was never good at finishing a project. I never came to a position where I felt something was complete.

At this time when I started doing more programming, I also started change my point of view on computers, that the computer is more of a tool than an entertainment machine. It is a tool for computing and crunching numbers. And I got more and more interested in Linux and programming after that.

On my PC I played Quake and Day of the Tentacle. Two of my favourite games back then. I also got Riven, the sequel to Myst. Oh, and Dungeon Keeper, I absolutely loved that game. Both 1 and 2. I think EA Games bought the rights for those games and just threw them in the trash, like "nope, there's no market for this". So we will never see another Dungeon Keeper 3. Like a lot of games I liked went into the "no market" bin.. Ignition, whatever happened to that? A fun little Swedish game.

However there was this kick starter project making a very similar game to DK. I have it but I haven’t played it much. It was just basically like DK2 and the graphics wasn't really better, didn't introduce much new stuff so I got bored of it pretty quickly.

I know, it's not easy to compete as an indie game developer against those large game company beasts. Trust me, I've tried making games on my own, just look back in my blog, those projects pretty much died after a week or so. You really need the motivation, skill and creativity to do it. You really need to work hard, and that might not even be enough some times.

I really look up to those few that had managed to do it, Marcus "Notch" Persson for example. When he started the 0x10c project, I was so excited because it was so very close to an idea of a game that I wanted to do for some time.

My phone has also become so weak and stupid after installing WhatsApp. I have a completly stubborn friend who cannot, over his dead body adapt to others. I've always used Viber without any problems whatsoever. I refused to install WhatsApp because I did it once and it just slowed down my phone, I hated it. I told him, just tru Viber for f**k sake. But no, it is purple or it is "gay" or it is something else that doesn't work for him. We just use it to send messages ffs, I cannot simply understand what the big deal is. We HAVE to use the worst program because it fits his needs, and 5 other people must follow him and do the same thing, and they do, of course.

But when I want my friends to try something, try this app or look in this store it's cool, nope, it is more or less f**k off. we don't care. Sometimes I feel it is a good thing that my life is short now. There are things in life that is just problematic and makes me angry and upset.